How It All Started

It seems to be a long time since I have written something in this blog. Some would say I ran out of inspiration, some would even argue I lost my passion, but in reality I don't write because of inspiration or passion. I remember the words of my college professor in Writing. What he said was something that I would never forget. He told me a lot of things on how I should write, both on technical and creative writing but those words was one that i couldn't fully understand yet it seemed that i can't take it of my mind.

"A writer writes his most beautiful works on his darkest hours.", it was really ironic on how this would work because a writer in his darkest hours? It seemed it would just bring out the darkness in the writer. He would probably write about sadness and stuff that would probably be gloomy, so how would that be beautiful? So with a little help of fate, It would help me understand this words.

This blog started during my darkest hour, when the person i love most left for some reason which really broke me into pieces. I can't handle my emotions during those times. I even wished to be in an accident to end it all. There was nothing really beautiful in what I was thinking or feeling those times. All I thought was "will I ever get through this?", "can I even handle something like this again?", "will I be able to smile again?". I locked myself in the house for most of the time and went out with friends to be cheered up but none really helped me at all. I was still that broken toy for months. I was losing all hope in my life that time, all I thought about was that i still can't give up for my mom. She will see me finish my studies even though she's watching from the heavens. I will not let her down. But this was the moment I needed to talk to someone badly. My mom was gone, I'm not close enough with my other family members, the girl I love left me, my friends aren't really those kind that will get emotional and stuff. so I had no one to open up. This feeling just kept on pouring down on me without a single one getting out. I can't take much more of it. This broken toy would soon explode and would never recover. I was running out of time, but one day a professor asked me where I think I would be 10 years from now. Stumped, 'coz probably I never really think of my future I just said I would be working in a writing firm or something. He asked me then if I had a blog. So that's where I thought why not start one and maybe it would help me get fixed again. So it seems this blog was an idea given to me in college from 2 of my college professors.

And here we are, In my blog where the first 2 months or so have been written in absolute despair so how did it that those entries lack a certain darkness into them? It seems that a writer writing in his darkest hours isn't about what he feels or what his emotions is during those times but how much emotion he has during that time. Being in despair make it easier for a writer to pour his emotion in what he is doing. True enough that is what I have done. I was able to make everything single drop of sadness I had into beautiful words, sentences, phrases, statement, and even poems. Every entry I had was from the heart and not with my mind. I didn't write with my hand but with my heart. Maybe it wasn't even me writing them but instead darkness was. The ironic thing about it all even though I wasn't in my best of times through those times, it didn't show. I was writing beautiful entries. I saw the light in my darkness. I saw only good things around my surroundings. Every experienced I had, I only can write about the good in it. This led me to understand about that quote form my professor that a writer is able to bring the best of his works in those times. Sadness brings more emotion out of a person than what happiness can. When one is happy he tends to keep it thus not allowing it to come out yet when sadness strikes, one what to remove it right away thus making it easier to channel this emotions into other stuff like writing or art.

So the reason why entries had stopped is because I lost that feeling to release my emotions. I can't write something the beautiful everyday anymore because I want to suppress what I'm feeling right now. I want it to stay in me 'coz what I have in my life is beautiful. It may be selfish and all but even though if I was to release it I can't because I don't know how to. If you are reading this, yes, its because of you, you brought be back to this state of happiness where I wouldn't need to put my emotions to words anymore just to continue on living. Now I can pour my emotion into you and let you know how much I love you. I can only smile now when I'm with you.

ainzley
2013

It’s the Season to be Enchanted(Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la)

School’s Out, leaves’ filed, weather is colder, the breeze is singin’, and the season is jolly. Now what is a nice way to lavish this joyous season? Receiving gifts and purchasing new stuff would certainly put a smile to ones already happy face but as one song states: “it’s not about the - ka-ching ka-ching, it’s not about the - ba-bling ba-bling”. Just make your world dance, forget about those price tags. Sure, material compliments would deliver joy that would last a year or two but memories would deliver joy for eternity.

Instead of spending this season spending and shopping without really putting enough effort like we used to back in the days, I personally opted into choosing a more interactive way of bonding with the ones I love this festive season. What more can be more exciting and exhilarating than spending time with your family in a theme park where a day spend can bring back the youth of your parents, get the scare out of your siblings, and thrill your pants off having with awesome rides. Of course, there is only one theme park that can be associated with all of these, Enchanted Kingdom at Sta. Rosa, Laguna of course, where if you want to have fun and take half of your life back, a day there is a day well spent.

Though Enchanted Kingdom would be undeniably the most popular theme park in the Philippines, it’s also a double edge sword for them. Being that much popular would bring to many fans onto one location so you could see where I’m going with this right?  An entirely day can be halved and spoiled by just waiting in line for tickets to get in. That was definitely one of the points I deducted from E.K. when considering it the perfect way to spend with my family. But kudos to a friend of mine, like any protagonist would make a comeback when all hope is lost, information that tickets for Enchanted Kingdom are now available on SM malls with SM tickets. Surely though, hearing such news at first could be gibberish and a plain mockery to my gullibility but according to www.smtickets.com, I was able to obtain the information I needed to this new knowledge that I had learned. Enchanted Kingdom Tickets are now really available at SM tickets. Wow, it’s really great that SM tickets now has a lot of partners as they are able to make ticket purchases like this a lot easier and more accessible to consumers. As I inquired on their customer service table on where to transact such deal, they were able to direct me to SM cinemas where the tickets can be purchased minus the hassle of standing in long lines so going to Enchanted Kingdom would just be a breeze since once there, ticket in hand, no time lost, no energy wasted, only hours of dun to dusk. Now, that is really good news to everybody who wants to go to E.K. but hates long lines. Acquisition of tickets through SM ticket will really save you a lot of time and energy for it is fast and more comfortable plus it gives me an idea to purchase some tickets and wrap them up for gifts to my friends where they can enjoy the magic in Enchanted Kingdom with their own family just like me.

And since Enchanted Kingdom is located in such a nice place where in the wind is cool, the air is fresh and the ambiance is relaxing, none of us would be getting fatigued too soon plus with the new way of purchase thanks to SM tickets, I can confidently say that every cent is spent up wisely with E.K. and SM tickets, even after all the rides have been marked by you, the drive home can be a source of more bonding hours or I would just prefer to drive up to Starbucks Tagaytay after and relax with a cup of coffee where the view is overlooking and the ambiance is amazing. Now, Can you now answer what is a nice way to lavish this season? 

ainzley 2011

30 Seconds Just Isn't Enough

"Live for Him, die for Him, for if that is fate, one can't deny", for that is really the reality of life, one second you're full of energy smiling at every young mind you see in the vicinity the next you see yourself smiling beside Him. It may be sad but that  is how life works. One cannot deny the fate which is bestowed upon him.

I remember the time when I first saw this 1963 Volkswagen Beetle in white with the iconic red and blue stripes and the big number fifty-three on its hood and doors which was parked in front of my new school(or rather the back of the school). As a young car enthusiast, I quickly recognized that said car and was amaze at the detail of work and effort put into that car. At that time I had no idea who that car belonged to, but I knew right there and then that the owner of that car had dedication, I thought that its owner was just simply amazing to be able to produce such replica of something so iconic. 

For how that car was an icon to a lot of people, its owner was also an icon to a lot of students in my school. He had a smile like no other, you can;t really tell if it was sarcasm or just pure happiness. He will smile all the up to the end of the class. Even when his angry, you can still definitely see a hint of that grin of his. An expression know throughout the school, Dennis the menace? No, It's Dennis Reyes which coincidentally rhymes which each other. SoCSIT would never be spelled right without that name nor will APC. For only a student, I was not really close to the, may I say foundation of APC-SoCSIT? The father of CSIT to us? or just plain and simple, professor and program director, but like I said he was an icon to the school. Who can ever forget that dreaded initiation of all the freshmen in the SoCSIT department. The 30 seconds of fame(or shame to most of us). It was really every freshmen had to join that event since your grade was on the line but at the end of each shame was a sense of accomplishment, a lesson that would have never been thought in a better way. Maybe for others, that particular initiation was just a plot to make sure there are contestants in that way. But when you really think about it, it is nothing more but to boost your morale as a person and build up your character starting with confidence, a great way to build you up as a future leader. A tradition that must be carried out through the history of the department that he has raised like a child.

He was the first to greet the future computer science and information technology graduates of the school and the last to call their names as they embark on the journey to success. It's just sad that it would never happen again. He encourages students to take what they really want in life that there is nothing wrong in admitting defeat, like what he always says to us, "If you don't like the course, Shift", "If you can't handle the course, Shift" (btw it is pronounced like "Sheeeeffff", haha, although I'm not sure of the exact words but it is something like that). He greet students with a smile every time you she him in the hall or at the parking lot. Who can forget him at the parking lot finishing up a stick of Marlboro. Who didn't see the photo of his younger years on every RAMblings publication or just the one in the lobby of APC. But ultimately, who can really forget him?

The world may have demised Steve Jobs who is arguably the person who had the most impact in technology this last couple of years, also the dead of Dennis Ritchie, the man who may have started it all. But none of them brought me more shocked than the lost of our esteemed program director, Mr. Dennis Reyes. Jobs and Ritchie may have influenced me a lot in terms of their contribution to innovation and technology but Mr. Dennis Reyes influenced my life. He taught me the basics of my career, which path to take on to my career, made my college life difficult through all that defenses we had to go through and some of which he was the panel which proved to be very useful to my career now. He made sure that we were proper and equipped with the right knowledge as we embark to the life in the industry. He gave us hardships that we thought we couldn't overcome. He believed in us that we would succeed. He made us surpass our limitations as a student and go in par with more experience people. He was the influence in all of it. He is one of the four, he is one of the reason why APC is one of the four, He will be always remembered. 

Manilaghia will continue to be part of each "Bug" and "Karmann" we see

Godbless and Prosper in Heaven our esteemed Sir Dennis Reyes

ainzley

2011

Who is She...

Who was she four years ago? A girl in pink with a smile so bright that it lightens the mood of the whole corridor. A girl in pink stripes who passes the hallway with such innocence and giggles. A girl in pink in ponytail who is able to charm everybody to smile with her as she brings a whole new ambiance to a dull and lonely box. Where was she four years ago? Who can forget the boy standing alone in the middle of the lobby who looks like he's just waiting for tomorrow to come. Who can forget the girl who, without hesitance or whatsoever, approached this boy. Who can forget how friendly that girl is that she was able to bring smile and a whole new outlook to that boy. How was she four years ago? Naive and innocence, which makes her humorous. Charming and beautiful, what makes her attractive. Soft and kind, which makes her adorable. Simple and wonderful, what makes her appealing. Angelic and holy which makes her a gift from God.

Who is she now? That girl in pink is the epiphany of beauty. She is what represents the beauty of God's work whether it be her looks, her characteristics, or just her attitude. We say that nobody is perfect and there I would agree with anyone as much as the next guy but who really need perfection anyways? Especially if you have already met her. "Certain flaws are necessary for the whole.  It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks". She may not be perfect but she is the epiphany of completeness.   She being she is what makes her she. The way she moves the path of worship, the way she giggles, the way she laughs at the most littlest things we find amusing, the way she doesn't get jokes and still laughs at them, the way she makes jokes and only she laughs at them, the way she is beautiful in every way you can imagine. the way she loves God, the way she loves her family, the way she loves her friends, the way that whatever that is it that she does, it's according to what she believes in. Qualities that is able to make her complete as she is. She is the balance of perfection. 

That faithful day that girl in yellow approached that boy to offer friendship to the day that marks this girl's arrival to the world as we see it now for her to be the instrument who blesses people with not only His words but also by being an example by His teachings. Four years ago was a miracle to me. And now, it seems the clock has never stopped moving forward. She is the epiphany of today. She is...

ainzley

2011 

Slow Down

"A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?"

Slow Down, We move to fast. This is an article I was able to come across with that made a lit of sense. It is true that the most beautiful things are taken for granted at "ordinary times", which is another term for like "always". Making a renowned musician like Joshua Bell play in a place that you wouldn't imagine him to play at is proof of this.

People couldn't appreciate true beauty unless it slaps them in the face with a scepter. Sure, people would applaud Joshua Bell's music if he had been properly introduced or had played where it was more suited to the occasion. Most would even give him a standing ovation and would pay so much just to hear him play. But without proper introductions, an unconventional setting, and ordinary attire? he just became another hobo who is playing for a few change without people even listening to what beauty he in store for everybody. Beauty has become to much of a perfection to all where you can only spot it if given a correct parameters and what's worse is that beauty has became a trend rather than a quality which makes one manifest deep satisfaction. People see beauty nowadays as what's hot, what's the trend. "You find koreans awesome, i find them awesome too just like all other people", why is that? koreans have always been koreans since then, what made you love them now and not then? Did they evolve into a higher race of beauty than before? Just doesn't make sense, koreans have always been beautiful people but why are you realizing it now? Is it possible it's because others have found them beautiful and you got into the stream? Then, us people have lost grasp of self-realization.

Imagine a beautiful rose in the middle of a mall where thousands of people pass by. No one will notice it at first but after one person stops to admire it, the next person will stop to wonder what the first person is looking at, then see the rose. Then the next person will do the same until everybody is doing the same thing. Only a few will look at that rose and appreciate its beauty for what it is and most will only see that rose for they saw others admiring something they have no idea of.

Slow down, We move to fast. We take too much for granted, learn to see beauty which is always in front of you.

Look at the mirror and learn to appreciate beauty....the beauty of God's creation that is you :)

ainzley
2011

The Sky

"The stars light up the sky", "The stars are nothing without the sky", "The sky is empty without the stars". A few exchange  to mention of the relationship between the sky and stars upon the 88 white lights gazing among the sea as the wind blows with comfort.

That "sky" is really such a vague entity for it encompasses such a wide region of definitions. Defining it seems to be an impossibility for there is really no clear definition to it. For it is difficult to define but it is easy to describe. The sky I am talking about surpasses all the sweetest things in the world combined for its sweetness is the reason for why living brings pleasure. The sky brings pure beauty to anyone to dares to take his eyes on it for nothing in the world could ever be more stunning.

For the "star" is the entity that is always there for the sky, there is nothing more that can made the stars dim than the sadness of the sky. That sadness clogs up the sky and brings darkness into the them. There is nothing more hateful than seeing that sadness unfold in such a beautiful night.

Knowing you for such a short period of time has been ecstatic, although we haven't really clicked on a lot of things, we are still here. For so many nights we had laughed and bonded, several we talked and chatted, all those nights were exalted. For this would probably be the last night we could talk and chatter, the tears drippin' down your face is sure a sight of heartbreak. The sorrow that you feel is anguish into my heart for I can't do anything more but listen to what your emotions has to bring. For you have said you hate seeing me down and melancholic 'cause it brings you hatred to whomever is the reason for it even if it is yourself, that you would hate yourself that. I'll return that favor back to you for it is how I also feel. Bringing tears to the person who is the sky is surely a hateful thing to do for the tears I saw that night wasn't just the tears of sorrow but also the tears of disappointment for even I didn't think it was possible for this things to happen. The star doesn't want the sky to continue on like this. If only I can do anything to simplify this complication. For all the things you wanted was simple and be left as you were, getting to know you must've been a great  opportunity for me to meet the sweetest thing in the whole world but consequently for you, meeting me has brought you a dilemma of some sort. I apologize for everything that has made you bleak for parts of it must have me involved directly or indirectly. I feel the sadness you feel. I empathize with whats happening. I hate this situation that you got into. I hate myself for making a path for you to embark onto this stupid road. Sorry for the complications that have been brought down to your world for the quiet and peaceful life you were living before you met me was the ideal environment for you but now you have been brought into the mix tape of entanglement with that world of yours into our world.

If I am only here to you as you watch suffer, I will let you down. For I will never leave you, I won't ever let you down.

ainzley
2011

A Short Thought

why are people so subtle? why can't they just open up what they want to say, why does it have to be crooked instead of going straight to it? Sometimes it just feels that it is so stupid. It is really difficult to get what people are thinking. Why can't just they answer straight to the point? hmmmm.... Ask what they want to say. Fire away, that is life.